The fella has been missing pizza just a teeny bit.

It used to be his Tuesday night ritual to buy the cheapest most unspeakable frozen pizza to eat while doing the geeky things he does on Tuesdays with his friends while I work. Apparently its called gaming or something. Everyone has their flaws so I try to pretend this one doesnt exist by refusing to understand it.

Some people juggle geese. Some people sit around pretending to be demons and necromancers while playing with tiny painted figures. Some people decide to cook highly complicated meals 7 days a week and then freak out at random intervals about it being too difficult. If the person is worth it you grin and bear their silly hobbies and soldier on. Really Im more concerned about his ability to have eaten those cardboard pizzas for so long.

After several months of being unable to slather gluttony rounds of dough with mounds of cheese hes been getting punchy. We drive by pizza places and he starts to drool. At night he would mumble the name of his lost mistress, pizza. Any mention of the word would cause him to go wide in the eyes and tap his veins begging for a fix.

Okay so it wasnt quite that bad. There were times that he looked at me however and I couldnt tell whether he was imaging that I was a pizza he was about to eat or if he was wondering how he could back out of this diet before losing his cheese loving mind. It was time to find a way to make this man a pizza.

Enter almond flour and all the wonderful things that can be made out of it. Weve been on a bit of a kick with it lately, satisfying cravings all over the place by using it. So it was only natural that about this time I stumbled upon a nut flour pizza crust recipe. And lo the heavens opened and the fella said “woo flipping hoo” when I sent him the link letting him know pizza was imminent.

When the faithful night of pizza making arrived we were both bouncing with excitement. Then we started making the crust mixture and got a bit concerned. It was really runny and didnt look like any crust Id ever made before. It didnt seem like it was thick enough to not run all over the pan. And how was this wet mess going to solidify enough to put toppings on it in just 5 minutes of baking? We were seconds away from thawing something from the freezer as we watched the crust do a whole lot of nothing in the oven.



Miraculously I pulled it from the oven and it was a nice firm crust like texture. We let it cool to firm up a bit more and started throwing toppings on it. It withstood being covered in sauce and veggies so things were looking good. I pre-sauted the vegetables assuming the vegetables wouldnt have enough time to cook on such a delicate crust and was right. Unless you like raw veggies on your pizza, cook them to your preferred level of doneness before this goes back in for round two. Topped with some sundried tomatoes and Havarti and we were drooling as hard as the dog does while we cook.

This was fabulous! It looked and smelled and had the texture of pizza. It doesnt taste like the real thing exactly but its a great fake out. The only problem is you really need to oil whatever surface youre baking this on or it will never let go of the pan. We spent a lot of time dislodging our pizza before being able to eat it.

Im sure this will become a regular fixture on our menus. That sound you hear is the fella sighing with relief. His favorite food is a possibility again.

Flourless Pizza Crust

3 eggs
3 tablespoons yogurt
1 tablespoon oil
1/ 2 teaspoon baking soda
1/ 2 salt
6 ounces ground almonds
1 teaspoon vinegar

Preheat the oven to 360. Line a round pizza pan with baking parchment, make on a silcone tray or oil your pan VERY well. This crust will stick like crazy.

Whisk the first five ingredients together in a bowl until frothy and starting to thicken slightly.

Beat in the ground nuts and vinegar and spread onto the baking parchment in an even, thin layer. It will be like thick batter, not a sticky dough. It doesnt look anything like pizza crust at this point but dont worry.

Bake for 5 minutes until just firm but not colored. Leave crust to cool a little before spreading your chosen toppings on and re-baking until the edge of the pizza base is golden brown and the cheese melted. Youll want to pre-cook any vegetables you plan on putting on this pizza in order to soften them, they wont have much time to cook before the crust is ready to be removed from the oven.

Original recipe from Straight Into Bed Cakefree and Dried blog.

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Breakfast

Whole Wheat Toast with Organic Cream Cheese and All Natural Gourmet Apricot Preservatives.

Hard Boiled Eggs and Grapes on the Side.

Using ORGANIC VALLEY ORGANIC PASTEURIZED CREAM CHEESE and CLEARBROOK FARMS CALIFORNIA APRICOT PRESERVES.

Mid Morning Snack

Lightly Salted Green Bean Chips

Try TRADER JOES CRUNCHY GREEN BEANS.

Lunch

Home Run Inn All Natural No-Preservatives Pizza

Find product at HOME RUN INN ALL NATURAL PIZZA.

Afternoon Snack

Cucumber and Grapes

Dinner

Grass-Fed Beef Steak and Baked Butternut Squash

We hope you enjoyed todays Clean Eating Weight Loss Meal Plan.

And return for more.

Thanks! See you soon.

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The only way I made it through this recipe without eating the dog was by drinking a bottle of wine. Sometimes getting drunk before dinner is the only way to forget how hungry and increasingly desperate you are. The wine was the high point of the meal really. It didnt take any effort. It didnt confuse me with odd directions. It didnt refuse to cook. Even on the best day Id be glad to have several bottles of it in my house actually.

As a general rule I dont even like Chardonnay, there are a few I will make an exception for and this is my new favorite. The Optimus is a killer bottle for $11. It isnt a cloying oak monster. Nor is it a tropical fruit smoothie disguised as a wine. It is instead a balanced blend of slightly buttery pear and green apple with a honeyed finish. Its so easy to drink you wont know youve had half the bottle while staring at the inexplicably raw chicken that has been on the oven for an hour until youre at the grocery store later singing to the leeks. I have a feeling this is going to be my summer wine this year.

You may have guessed by now that the meal itself gave me some trouble and you would absolutely be right. Im still holding a grudge against it a day later. It was that annoying but (Lindsay dont read this part) I loved it so much I already have plans to make it again next week. Next time Im going to go 30 Minute Meals on it, making a much simpler version of this amazing but picky original version.

It started out fine. Boiling artichokes—I adore artichokes almost as much as curry so I knew this recipe was going on the menu right away. Blanching a tomato which was odd but once it was done I totally understand why the recipe called for it. Once all the vegetables were chopped I had time waiting for the artichokes to get tender and the chicken to brown, to relax. That should have been my first indication something was wrong. Ive read The Julia and Julia Project, when a French recipe seems too easy youve probably mucked something up. The fates are up there somewhere laughing at you enjoying your wine knowing things about to hit the fan. Without the proper amount of stress and insanity it isnt properly French.

Following the recipe I put the chicken in the oven to bake for 12 minutes. Took it out, did some stuff to it and put it back in for another 10. It was crispy on the outside and the recipe said that was all there was it so it should be done, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong. The chicken halves we were using were still totally raw in the middle. I put them on stove for a while longer and drank some more wine, glaring occasionally at the chicken pan. During this time I ate my artichoke furiously. The thermometer I stuck in the chicken said it was done. So you would think it was done, right? Nope.

I literally threw my hands in the air and did what I always do when a recipe makes me want to throw dishes across the room, I passed it on to the fella. He made that chicken his bitch. He put it in the pan like he meant business and stood supervising it while drinking his wine and making his artichoke disappear. He took the chickens temperature which read as well done. We re-plated it for the third time. Do you think it was done now? Sorry no.

This chicken wasnt giving up. I swore at the chicken, cursing its relatives and everything holy to it as I tore its flesh from the carcass. The fella looked at me like the crazy person I was at that moment. I then explained to him I was cutting out the middleman and just putting the bloody (literally) chicken meat in the pan and cooking it sans bones. This worked much better, the meat cooked in a couple minutes and gave it a chance to combine nicely with the mushroom and wine sauce when I added it to the pan to reheat.

The fourth time we sunk our forks into the meat it was divine. The chicken was tender, the sauce was delightful and what remained of the vegetables I hadnt already snacked on were scrumptious. Maybe Im a food masochist and waiting for the food makes it taste that much better after the build up of anticipation. Or maybe I was so drunk I probably could have eaten the dog at this point. Regardless Ill get back to you when I come up with a better version of this meal.

Until then anyone know where a girl can get a reliable meat thermometer around here?

Basque Chicken

2 large artichokes, trimmed
1 large ripe tomato
2 pounds bone in chicken or 2 baby chickens
3 tablespoons butter
3 ounces chanterelles (I used white button mushrooms)
1 garlic clove, germ removed, finely diced
2 tablespoons dry white wine
2 tablespoons chicken broth

Poach artichokes in salted water until tender, about 10 to 15 minutes or when the outer leaves are easily removed. Cut the heart out of the artichokes and set aside. Discard leaves or dip them in some butter as a snack while waiting for the chicken to cook.

Cut a conical plug from the stem of the tomato. Blanch tomato in the boiling artichoke water for 10 seconds. Remove from water and peel off skin. Cut tomato in half, squeeze out seeds and juice to discard. Coarsely chop the remaining pulp.

Preheat oven to 350.

If using whole chickens season the inside with salt and pepper then truss them with string so legs are up close to the breasts and the wings are firmly in place. Simply season under the skin of the chicken if using bone in pieces.

Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in an oven safe pot large enough to hold both chickens. Brown chicken on all sides, about 5 to 10 minutes on each side. Add more butter if necessary to keep meat from sticking. Cover pot and place in oven for 12 minutes.

Remove the pot from the oven. Spoon in the artichoke bottoms, sliced chanterelles, and tomato around the chicken. Return the pot to the oven for another 10 minutes or until the internal temperature is above 165. Remove from the oven again. Set aside chicken to keep warm while preparing sauce.

Put the pot full of mushroom, artichoke, and tomato on a burner over high heat. Add garlic, wine, and broth. Bring to a boil and cook until liquid is slightly reduced.

Serve the chicken with pan juices and vegetables spooned around them.

Original recipe from The Lutece Cookbook by Andre Soltner.

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From the emptiness of the bowl by the time I got around to photographing it you might be able to guess how good it was. And you would probably be right. After all the time I spent stressing about large amounts of expensive beef going to waste, this ended up being my favorite part of the meal. That was a pretty impressive feat considering the amazing things that were on my Easter dinner menu.

Vichyssoise
Cauliflower “Potatoes”
Steamed Fresh Green Beans
Boeuf en Duebe in the Crockpot
Flourless Dark Chocolate Cake

Not a tradition holiday menu by any means but it worked out well. Doing the main dish in the crockpot really freed us up to concentrate on the side dishes, not to mention enjoying the company of my family rather than running around slaving over a hot stove. It was even less maintence than a roast or a turkey. The day we were cooking it that is, the days leading up to it we spent a lot of time babying this beef.

First we had to go out and buy a crockpot big enough to handle 5 pounds of beef, a pound of shallots and a bottle of red wine. This was actually good motivation to finally go out and do something weve been talking about for awhile. As much as we use the crockpot we really needed a nice one that was programable, it will make our lives much easier.

Next I spent the week making sun dried orange peel. This wouldnt have been a problem except there was no sun to speak of most of the days leading up to Easter. Thankfully Friday and Saturday were sunny and that seemed to give the orange peel long enough to dry out. But leave it up to the weather to add extra stress to preparing this meal. Supposedly fresh orange peel works just as well but we didnt have to find out this time.

Now came shopping for wine. Burgundy isnt an easy wine to find and the couple that were in town were all over $20 which was more than I was willing to spend on a wine that was going in a recipe. Someday I will put the investment into buying a nice bottle of Burgundy but it was not going to be now. Beaujolais is technically in the Burgundy region of France and there were several Id tried before that I thought would work fine to cook with. The Georges Deboeuf Beaujolais-Villages Nouveau is too green to make a drinkable glass of wine but I think it did fine in the beef. It actually helped to make the recipe a bit less boozy which I was worried about.

This recipe also wanted cognac which was more of an investment that I was looking to make that day so I went for the next best thing and got a small bottle of Korbel brandy. Both made of them are made of grapes, who cares, right? There was so little of it in the actual dish it didnt make a difference, you could probably leave the distilled liquor out of this all together and not even notice, the wine is plenty.




With this the crock pot we served up the soup and finished up the vegetables during the last hour of cooking time. We also opened a couple bottles of wine. The Parducci Petite Shiraz was a huge disappointment. I was excited about it being organic and sustainable produced on a family farm which is all well and good except the wine stunk. It tasted like fermented grape juice and nothing else, it had no subtlety or depth. My mother asked me to review it and “do my thing.” All I could say was, “It tastes like grapes.”

At that point I opened the Conquista Malbec, the wine that is the love of my life, which I knew I liked and actually had good things going on in it. Its produced biodynamically without pesticides but doesnt have the expensive organic certification. At the same time its actually a good well rounded spicy wine unlike so many wines that make a big deal about being organic or green which they use as their selling point forgetting to actually put the effort into making a good wine. So many of these organic wineries just throw an unpalatable mix of grapes together and think the organic label will keep people coming back for more. A boring undrinkable wine is bad regardless of its sustainability. Unfortunately Ive yet to find many good organic wines, they all taste largely the same.

Ah well, my family isnt big on wine anyway. My mother got to try a couple different wines she wouldnt have gotten to otherwise, that all that mattered. Hopefully the strange Easter wont keep my family from coming back for another meal. They were probably glad they brought their own bread to comfort them through courses of food theyre never heard of.

The beef was actually pretty decent. I dont know that I would ever feel the need to put that much effort into making it again but it was a fun experience. It tasted nice served over the faux potatoes with some green beans on the side. A pleasant special occasion meal for sure. Now I know what the big deal about Beef Burgundy is.

Crockpot Boeuf En Daube

5 pounds prime beef, cubed & trimmed of fat
1 pound shallots, peeled and coursely chopped
4 cloves garlic, peeled & chopped finely
1 sprig fresh thyme
2 bay leaves
1 bottle Burgundy wine

2 tablespoons oil
1 pound smoked bacon, chopped
1/2 ounce dried mushrooms (we used a couple ounces fresh buttons mushrooms)
6 pieces of dried orange peel *
1 tablespoon brown sugar (we omitted this)
4 sun dried tomatoes, finely chopped
1 8-ounce can chopped tomatoes

2 tablespoons arrowroot
2 tablespoons cognac (or brandy)


Marinade the beef with the herbs, shallots and garlic over night in the bottle of red wine in a sealed container.

Before cooking, drain wine and reserve for later. In a large skillet sear and brown the beef pieces over high heat in the oil until brown, making sure not to overcrowd the pan. Place browned beef into the crock pot.

Fry the bacon pieces until crispy and golden brown. Drain bacon, reserving fat for later and add bacon to the beef in crockpot.

Brown the shallots and garlic in the bacon fat then add to the crockpot. Add all the other ingredients, except the arrowroot and cognac to the crock pot, including the reserved wine. Cook on high for 4 hours or low for up to 6 hours. (If you want to use the oven preheat it to 325 and cook slowly for approximately 4 to 6 hours; check towards the end, the meat should be extremely tender.)

Half an hour before the end of cooking time use a ladle to remove some of the wine stock from the crock pot. Place in a small bowl and whisk in the arrowroot. Add back into the crockpot to help thicken sauce. It should have the consistency of a glaze not a gravy. Add the cognac to the crockpot and allow to cook until the timer goes off.

Traditionally this dish is made the day ahead of time to allow the meat to further marinate then reheated for serving over mashed potatoes.

* To make dried orange peel, peel 2 oranges and cut peel into narrow strips. Place on a flat surface and leave in direct sunlight for a couple days. Or place on a baking sheet and bake overnight at a very low temperature. Fresh orange peel will work in this recipe as well but will change the intensity of the citrus flavor in this dish.

Original recipe from Recipezaar.com.

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