Day 120

Nearly 4 months on Medi-Weightloss and I have finally started to break into those totes in my basement.  You know, the ones full of size 18 clothing?  Thats right!  Today Im wearing a pair of size 18 jeans and a size 1x top - two things I was convinced would never fit again after ballooning up to over 260 lbs.

The rest of my size 18 jeans that are in that tote are still a bit snug (or dont fit at all yet) but Ill take whatever small victory I can get.  Its just a matter of time before the rest fit and then eventually become too big.

To go from a size 26 to a size 18 in 4 months is no small potatoes.  This is hands down the fastest Ive ever lost weight on any program and I dont necessarily feel like Im doing much differently than I ever have following other low-carb diets... Im just being held accountable for my choices every week and that has been a BIG motivator. 

I may seem like Im upbeat, motivated and have great willpower here in my blog BUT the reality is that every day is a struggle to fight my addiction to sugary/starchy foods.  I may like that everything is getting smaller when I turn sideways in the mirror but that doesnt stop my mouth from watering when a co-worker puts their leftover pizza in the toaster oven.  It doesnt stop me from somehow magically TASTING sugar wafer cookies while drinking Crystal Light iced tea (that actually happened to me last night).  And it doesnt mean that Im immune to the temptation of secret trips to the drive-thru (which I am very proud I have not done yet).  My willpower and motivation is firmly planted in my own self-confidence.  Im not exactly a cheery girl.  I have many body image issues and plenty of self-doubt when it comes to my appearance BUT I have faith that I can lose however much weight I want because Ive been successful (to some extent) before.  I know Im strong enough to make this a lifestyle change if I really put my mind to it.  The problem is... not losing my mind on the way there!  Some days the smell coming from inside the coffee shop while waiting for a black iced coffee with Splenda at the drive-thru is enough to make me batty.  The smell of fresh muffins is the absolute worst. 

But, Im gearing up for my week 17 weigh-in and hoping to drop at least another 1.5 lbs so I can officially say that Ive lost 50 lbs in 4 months.  Wish me luck... and courage!  Ive still got a long way to go.

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